ugggh

(This piece began life as a late night email to MAS, inspired by this tweet)

Sid Meier’s Colonization: Is it offensive enough?

This piece is profoundly annoying on its own merits. I find it hard to believe that the author is so genuinely offended by Sid Meier’s Colonization, a game which should keep you too busy doing thankless micromanaging to experience the “guilt” the author describes. But what really drives it over the edge for me is his misuse of the abbreviation “cf.” (which should only be used when inviting the reader to compare something to something else, and not, as he is using it, as a substitute for see).

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VONTAZE

Most readers probably know that the NFL Combine has been going on since Wednesday, which gives people like me an opportunity to gorge ourselves on the football we so crave. It also gives us an opportunity to engage in rampant, virtually consequence-free speculation about people we’ve never met (YAY!). There are so many questions: Why didn’t Alshon Jeffrey run the 40? How do quarterbacks escape Clemson DE Andre Branch (who, at 6’4″ 259 lbs, ran the 40 in an unofficial 4.62s)? What socks did RG3 wear?

One of the most intriguing characters in this year’s draft is Arizona State linebacker Vontaze Burfict. Huge, physically gifted, and personal foul happy, this time last year Burfict looked poised to become a real top prospect at linebacker, but this year he has seriously underachieved. Taken together with some serious off field and attitude issues and Burfict has become a hard pill to swallow. Now we get this from the always fantastic Bruce Feldman (read the whole thing):

“I wouldn’t touch him,” said one scout. “He does have some talent, but he is so undisciplined on and off the field. The guy is completely out of control. There’s no way you could trust him. I can’t believe they (ASU coaching staff) didn’t cut him loose.”

Wow. Strong words. We’ll be watching with interest, but you guys probably already knew that.

Oscar Snoozefest

So I’m sure none of you guys watched the Oscars last night because there was nothing to get excited about and really who wants to spend three hours watching grandiose people tell each other how great they are. The best things that happened were that Angelina Jolie’s right leg got a twitter account after she struck this ridiculous pose on stage, Jim Rash did this, and Meryl Streep winning best actress. Lets talk about Jolie here; what happened to her? I get that she’s going for glamorous and beautiful, and five (?) years ago I would totally be buying what she’s selling here, but now she looks like she would be sharp if you touched her and maybe she has a device in her basement to extract the blood from young virgin peasants for her bath time needs.

[UPDATE:] LOL

WHO IS THIS WHITE MAN

Apparently the hordes took to Twitter last night in search of the answer to that most vexing of questions: who is Paul McCartney?

I would love to hear someone rationalize why, sitting in front of the TV with a computer at hand, seeing some old person they do not recognize, they choose to take to Twitter in anger rather than Wikipedia or even Google. I know that I speak for both myself and MAS when I say that I would be horrified to discover that I had admitted to having no idea who one of the most significant musical figures of the last century was. Why would you do that?

Also, as to the people who prefer Skrillex to Bon Iver: dubstep is an abomination. The only (sort of) good thing to come out of the dubstep movement is the anthropologically interesting phenomenon of women with Skrillex haircuts. Get off my lawn.

RIP Whitney Houston

Sorry sometimes blogging is hard.

[UPDATE: Shit guys I’m having trouble finding a Whitney Houston video that will let me embed. Imagine either the American Psycho Whitney Houston scene or Whitney Houston telling Diane Sawyer she’s too rich to do crack. Enjoy the placeholder gif.]

Nothing else to say.

Cosmic Joker Raison d’Etre

Richard:  you can put resized whatevers in (including resized animated gifs) they just won’t animate if they’re not in their original size
luckily most animated gifs are intentionally designed to be 4chan/blog comment section friendly
MAS:  what is the point if it doesn’t animate
Richard:  twss
I have been desperate for some excuse, any excuse to post this animated gif. Thanks MAS.
P.S. the categories suggest this is the first time the Cosmic Joker blog has posted anything about Rick Santorum. That guy just can’t catch a break.

If Google was Scandinavian Fairy Tale

In the Original he was known as GÖG.